Keep Your Commentary Off My Body
What makes people believe they have the right to run commentary on women’s bodies?
Recently in a therapy session, my client shared with me how many remarks she has been hearing because she lost weight.
“Whatever you’re doing, keep it up!”
“You look great.”
“I can really see a difference.”
The problem for my client is that her weight loss is attributed to a five-month struggle with anxiety and panic attacks due to a confluence of medical problems and parenting young children. This client, whom I will call Andi, explained that she never intended to lose weight. You see, Andi never had any weight related medical or body image issues before. She said that these unsolicited comments reminded her of how unwell she had been. Andi had become very particular about her food intake because of her medical problems. She also felt so anxious that she was not noticing hunger cues. Rapid weight loss in Andi’s case was not a cause to be celebrated. In fact, Andi felt shameful that her new jeans that she spent a fortune on postpartum now looked like baggy men’s pants. Andi has no obligation to share her personal story with people who decide to give their opinions on her body. She does not need to describe the daily agony she went through just to get out of bed in the morning and take her children to school. This is Andi’s story. If someone really cared about Andi, they should have checked in with her and possibly lent support at her time of great need. Nonetheless, I am working with Andi on her recovery from this mental health and medical episode, as she reintroduces foods and manages anxiety symptoms along the way.
Pronouncing opinions of women’s bodies is a popular American phenomenon. I recently saw in the news that the comedian and actress Amy Schumer was on TV late night shows and was criticized about her face looking puffy. As it turns out, Schumer was diagnosed with Cushings Disease which has nothing to do with overeating or not exercising enough. And even if her puffy face was a result of caloric intake, so be it. Why is it anyone’s business other than Amy’s?
This whole concept is an old one. I remember being pregnant and having people grope my belly without asking. My male coworker also appeared to be counting my bathroom runs at the office, “Wow you have been to the bathroom five times already today.” To this day, I am not sure what the best way to respond would have been.
How long do we have to repeat the obvious? Don’t comment on (or touch!) other people’s bodies unless they ask. Period. Mic drop.
Disclaimer: All individuals included in this blog post have been contacted and permissions were granted to use this material. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of these individuals.